Just like you, I get all of those joke pages about men and how they supposedly are. I laugh just like everyone else. But just how true are all of those jokes? Sure, a lot of them have a ring of truth. Or, is it that that's how we perceive them? Do they puzzle you?
I am writing about men and their feelings as told to me by many different men. I'm not sure why they felt comfortable enough to share their feelings with me but they did. For some reason both male and female alike have opened up and talked to me about their concerns, problems and relationships. Maybe it's because I listened, didn't judge or criticize and asked questions that made them think and find the answers for themselves???
What I've learned is that Men Have Feelings Too. Very real feeling just like we women do. They laugh. They care. They love. They hurt. They are afraid at times. They even cry. It's not as easy for a man to talk about his personal fears and problems as it is for a woman. Women are taught at an early age to share and express themselves. Men on the other hand are usually taught that it is unmanly to share or display their feelings. I witnessed that myself watching how my father dealt with my brothers.
Men want to share their feelings but fear of being laughed at stops most of them dead in their tracks. No one, male or female, enjoys being laughed at. Or being put down for everything they say or do. Or being nagged. Or not being appreciated for the things they do. I believe you can understand the point I'm making - everyone wants to feel good about themselves and be appreciated.
Most of the people that shared their feelings with me were in their middle to late thirties. The middle thirties and upwards seems to be when the differences in male and female become very obvious. Most women look back and are basically content. Men look back and aren't and react to it. Perhaps you've heard it called the middle age craziness?
At this point in their lives men tend to look back and evaluate their dreams, goals and accomplishments. A lot of them aren't happy with what they see. They haven't reached their dreams and goals. They aren't where they planned to be. They long for a chance to start over. A chance to re-capture their youth. And they do something about it. Many have regrets later but it is too late. They can not undo the things they have done or change the effects of their actions.
Many of them were in what seemed to be happy marriages. They surprised everyone who knew them when they were seen with a young girlfriend. They were trying to re-capture their youth by being with a younger woman. Most often they ended up in divorce court. They lost their wife. Their children are upset over the family breaking up. They lost the things they had worked for. They often lost the girlfriend and ended up very lonely wishing they could turn back time. It's a hard lesson for all involved - you can't re-write history.
Then there was those men who couldn't stay in a relationship because they didn't know how. They were from broken homes and had no one to teach them about loving and caring relationships. They wanted nothing more than to have happy relationships with the ones they loved. Unfortunately the women in their lives did not understand and could not help them. Why? Because the men did not know how to talk about their feelings and/or needs. Many of them had been married several times and found themselves repeating the same patterns with the same results.
Some of the men had no respect for women. They had bad examples to follow in their learning years. Their parents had stayed together inspite of being in an abusive marriage. They watched their mother being abused and although they did not like it, they became abusers also. Not all of them were married or ever were. They just had no respect for women. All they were interested in was getting what they wanted and did not care if they hurt anyone in the process.
A few of the men had been abused by women. They were kind, descent, loving men who were constantly being hurt by the women in their lives. Yes, all too often the circumstances are reversed. Some women can lie and cheat and not think anything about it. Their goal in life is to take all they can get from a man and move on.
Everyone, both male and female should take the time to learn about each other. Put yourself in your partners place before you say or do anything. Ask yourself how you would feel about the situation and what your reaction would be. Learn to be kind to each other. If the relationship isn't getting better, you've tried your best to improve it and nothing has changed or it has gotten worse then get out of it. Don't stay in a relationship that is hurtful or abusive to you and/or your partner. As a woman I know we women have feelings. I also know that Men Have Feelings Too, very real feelings that should be respected just as we want ours to be.
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